


Stake out!!

by Spayne



Series: Vehicular mishaps [1]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spayne/pseuds/Spayne
Summary: “So the reason that the suede interior of my car is now covered in blood is this stake out gone unfortunately wrong?” Carolyn asks“Yes. That is exactly how it happened.” Villanelle helpfully replies
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: Vehicular mishaps [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022422
Comments: 28
Kudos: 237





	Stake out!!

**Author's Note:**

> Things I had to do this evening:  
> 1\. Put baby to bed  
> 2\. Read two lever arch files for a work thing  
> 3\. Wash hair  
> 4\. Sort out clothes for said work thing  
> 5\. Literally anything other than this
> 
> So far I have a child in bed and a ridiculous 1500 word one shot about the horrors of car sex based on a deeply traumatic memory and a comment left on one of my actual stories.
> 
> This says a lot about my priorities.

“Stakeouts were so much cooler when I was hunting the next target. This is just a lot of waiting.”

Eve looks over at her.

“Stakeouts are supposed to be a lot of waiting around. That’s literally the whole point. What was so special about yours?”

Villanelle shrugs lazily and gestures to the half eaten prawn sandwich sitting between them. “Better snacks for one thing.”

Eve sighs. They’ve been here for hours without any sign of this supposed source. It’s been dark for about four hours now and she’s starting to get cold. Worse still her legs are starting to go to sleep. Stakeouts really are the worst, Villanelle is right.

“Urgh. You’re right. Why did we do this again?” Eve asks before closing her eyes and tipping her head back on the head rest.

She feels fingers gently play with a curl of her hair.

“Because you are a dedicated and brilliant secret agent.”

Eve laughs lightly and turns to her

“What does that make you?”

“I am the sexy and illusive assassin who you are never entirely sure isn’t planning a double cross but who you can’t keep your hands off regardless.”

Eve smiles indulgently. “That’s half true I guess.”

Eve recognises the look on Villanelle’s face. Despite herself the want settles low in her stomach in response.

There’s some movement ahead of them and Eve leans forward against the steering wheel.

A man stands at the door to the hotel. He’s short and unassumingly dressed but she recognises his face from the file.

“That’s him?” Villanelle asks.

Eve nods.

“Figures. Why is it that all the men who work for The Twelve look like that and all the women are insanely hot? Or Rhian.”

Eve snorts “Because….the patriarchy?”

A cab pulls up next to the source and he climbs in the back. Eve switches on the engine but keeps the headlights off. She starts to pull out before she sees headlights in the wing mirror and a loud car horn from behind. Her heart thuds in her chest and her foot stamps on the break.

The car pulls up next to them suddenly and a man shouts a string of expletives neither of them quite catch.

Eve does hear, “Fucking women in Jags. Jesus Christ.”

“Asshole.”

She looks toward the hotel and the cab has gone. She looks at Villanelle.

“Did you see which way the cab went?” She asks hurriedly.

Villanelle shrugs and gestures vaguely up the road. “That way?”

“For fucks sake. Eleven hours we’ve been sat here! Eleven hours!”

Villanelle pulls a face. “Yes. I’ve been here the whole time too.”

Eve huffs out an angry sigh before resting a resigned head forward on the steering wheel.

“What a complete waste of time. And now I’ve got pins and needles in my legs.”

Villanelle is silent for a moment.

“It doesn’t have to be a waste of time..” her voice is soft and low. Eve recognises the sound. She’d know it anywhere.

She turns her head and opens an eye to look at her. She knows the face.

“Absolutely not.”

“What? You said yourself the guy has gone and it’s not like there’s anything else to do around here…”

“You want to have sex in Carolyn’s car because Bedford lacks a sufficient standard of night life?”

“I want to have sex with you. Anywhere. You can add whatever other reason that you need to talk yourself into it.”

“That’s romantic.”

“I think so. Come on, it’ll be fun. Come and sit on top of me.”

“What if someone walks past?”

“Sexy right?”

“Um, no?”

“Oh come on. It’s 2am, and there is nothing on this street except that shitty hotel.”

Eve thinks about the eleven hours of her life that she will never get back. She thinks of the hours drive home. She thinks of Villanelle. Her hands. The smell of her shampoo when her hair hangs loose around Eves face as she leans over her. She thinks of her miraculous fingers.

She sighs but undoes her seat belt regardless.

Villanelle grins next to her and moves her seat back.

“Here, put your legs like that.”

“Here?”

“Perfect. Kiss me.”

“Let me undo your jeans, I can’t feel you enough.”

“Yes, yes, do that.”

“Lean up? Actually let me take them off?”

“Yes, hold still, let me lean on your shoulder. Hang on.”

“God baby, you’re so wet. You feel so good.”

“Keep going. Don’t stop”

“Kiss me.”

“Fuck, yes, keep your fingers like that, I need to fuck you.”

“Baby watching you ride me like this is so hot”

“Fuck, I’m going to – FUCK!!”

Villanelle jerks her head up. “Did you?”

“No! Fuck, did you bring a knife?”

“Yes?”

“You fucking stabbed me!”

“What? No I didn’t.”

Eve lifts her hand back along the side of her thigh and brings it back between them covered in blood.

Villanelle’s face freezes.

“My knife is in my coat, did you ….bounce… on something?”

“I don’t know. It fucking hurts Vil, do something.”

“Ok, ok. Let me open the door.”

Villanelle opens the door carefully and gently tries to climb out from under her. Eve turns and sits back in the passenger seat, her hand pressed tight to the cut on her thigh.

Villanelle leans forward and presses Eve’s hand tighter against her thigh.

“You’re fine. Ok baby? You cut your leg on CD case.”

“What?”

Villanelle holds up a CD case now smeared in blood.

“Who even has CD’s anymore? Why is there so much blood?”

“Don’t be a baby. I bled way more when you stabbed me.”

“Why does everything have to be a fucking competition.”

“Oh, you’re only saying that because you’re losing.”

“Can you at least try and be serious? It fucking hurts. I told you this was a bad idea.”

Villanelle presses a kiss to her cheek, and wipes a bloody hand across Eve’s face. “I’m just going to look ok?”

“Oh gross.”

“What? Is it deep?”

“Umm, it needs stitches.”

“Oh fuck.”

Eve looks down at her legs now smeared in blood, then it dawns on her.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What are we going to tell Carolyn?”

Villanelle looks up from where she is now rifling through what looks like a first aid kit.

She pauses in thought before responding.

“We‘ll say you slipped”

Eve gives her a look.

“What? I’m very convincing! Making people trust me when they shouldn’t was 80% of my job. Trust me, I’ve got this.”

Eve buries her face in her bloody hands

“Oh my god.” 

————————

Carolyn brings her whiskey glass up to the bridge of her nose. Her eyes still closed when she says, “Right. Just so I understand.”

She opens her eyes and puts the glass down on the coffee table.

“There was a potential source-“

“A highly credible potential source.” Eve interrupts her.

“Indeed. A high credible potential source, who you understood to be at staying at a hotel in Bedford. So you took my car-“

“Borrowed.” Eve interrupts again

Carolyn nods once. “You borrowed my car, why was that again?”

“Eve is too poor to own a car and I am dead and have no license.” It’s Villanelle’s turn now.

“I’m not too poor to own a car. We live a fifteen minute walk from the district line and you were the one who said –“

Carolyn hold up a weary hand.

“So you borrowed my car and Eve drove it to Bedford to conduct some sort of stake out.”

They both nod enthusiastically.

“Of course, and during this stake out”, she pauses meaningfully, “Eve cut her leg?”

They both nod.

“On a cd case.”

They both nod again.

“The CD’s that I keep in the passenger side door.”

“I must have shifted awkwardly?”

“From the drivers seat?” Carolyn asks.

“Yes?” Eve replies hopefully.

“So you went to A&E?”

“Your first aid kit was very limited.” Villanelle supplies helpfully.

“I keep an extra pack of wound closure strips in the glove compartment.”

“Huh. Good to know.” Villanelle responds.

“Indeed. So you went to A&E and Eve had how many stitches?” Carolyn asks.

“Four.” They both say at once.

“Yes, and the source?”

They both look at each other then back at Carolyn.

“They got away during the excitement over Eve’s cut leg?” Carolyn supplies.

“Yes.” Villanelle replies whilst Eve shifts uncomfortably.

“This is exactly how it happened.” Villanelle again.

“I see. So the reason that the suede interior of my car is now covered in blood is this .....stake out gone unfortunately wrong?”

“It’s better than it was.” Eve tells her imploringly

“We bought baby wipes from a service station to clean the worst of it.” Villanelle adds.

“Right. So I suppose I should thank you.”

Villanelle smiles graciously, “You’re welcome.”

There’s a long silence. Eve shifts in her seat.

“Right. Well that explains that.”

Carolyn stands in a show of dismissal. They both stand, and after a moment shuffle out toward the door.

“Oh and Eve, the next time you two decide to ….stage a stake out…take the Range Rover? The leather seats wipe clean, and the back seat is much more roomy.”

**Author's Note:**

> NB : For those who read the notes in the last chapter of my last story. This ridiculousness is not what’s cooking. That will hopefully be way better. This just kept bugging me so I had to get it out.


End file.
